To: alt.athiesm
From: "Rev. Will Cheatem, from the new PTL group 'Dewey, Cheatem & Howe'"
Subj: Bible Translations :> (0000.bblsmpl.rwc)
Date: unknown

Well, I've given up on the "Bobo the Clown Translation of _The Bible_
(Featuring the Word of God[tm])" (merely a short pamphlet, thus the quotes).
I've decided on a version of my own, picking up where _The Book_ left off.
I've come to the conclusion that we need a more simplified translation:


Genesis:
"See God.  God is good.  See God make the world.  Good, God, good.  God is
sleepy.  See God rest.  We want to be like God, don't we, boys and girls?
We should rest, too.

See God create Adam.  Poor Adam is lonely.  See Adam give God a rib.  See
God create Eve.  Good people wouldn't eat from the tree of knowledge, would
they, boys and girls?  See the snake.  Bad, snake, bad.  See the snake
talk to Eve.  See Eve eat the apple.  Bad, Eve, bad.  Women are bad, aren't
they, boys and girls?  See God punish Adam and Eve for breaking the rules."


John:
"See Jesus.  Jesus is the King of the Jews.  The Jews don't believe him.
Bad Jews.  See the Jews go to Hell.  See the Romans.  Bad Romans.  See
the Romans nail Jesus to a board.  Ouch, Jesus!  See Jesus die.  Poor
Jesus.  But look!  Three days go by, and Jesus is alive again!  Good
Jesus!  See Jesus take away all our sins.  We can do what we want to,
right boys and girls?"


I dunno, something seems missing.  Maybe a new modernized parable?

The Book of Falwell:
"See Jim Bakker.  Jim is a man of God.  Good, Jim, good.  See Jim with
a prostitute.  Bad, Jim, bad.  See Jim take money from little old ladies.
Poor little old ladies, they have nothing to eat!"

"See Dick.  Dick is a good Christian.  See Dick tell the non-believers
that they should be Christians, too.  See the non-believers slam the door
in Dick's face.  Bad, non-believers, bad.  That's OK, boys and girls,
the non-believers will go to Hell!  See Dick in Heaven.  See Dick get
an award for converting the most Christians!  Good, Dick, good!  We
want to be like Dick and get an award in Heaven, don't we boys and girls?"

Rev. Will Cheatem, from the new PTL group "Dewey, Cheatem & Howe"