HAVING S-E-X FOR THE FIRST TIME
What follows is not a set of rules. Rules about sex are impossible-- what should matter is that what you do makes you feel good. And "feeling good" should last past the sex itself-- you should not feel anxious afterwards about getting her pregnant or catching some horrible disease, so planning ahead about contraception and safe sex is part of the idea.
When you have sex doesn't really matter. What should matter instead is that you and your partner have sex when you are both comfortable. Some people prefer to make love at the break of dawn, some in the afternoon sun, some in the darkness of night. More important than time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of time to have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal, but at least the whole day, including sleep time.
Avoid eating a heavy meal, since that'll just make you sleepy. Eat light, don't drink too much alcohol, if any at all. It may help you shed inhibitions, but it may also make his erection much more difficult to achieve and you want to spend more time in the bedroom than the bathroom anyway, right?
Where you have sex is probably a more important decision. Finding a
place where you both can be private for up to forty-eight hours can be
difficult at that age where most people are planning on losing their virginity.
But it's worth it. Cars are no longer big enough to have sex in, and the
outdoors has less privacy, bugs, sand, and pine needles.
Bring what you need to make you comfortable. Birth control, condoms, maybe your favorite pillow or a bathrobe.
Don't worry about making orgasm simultaneous. Some women do not orgasm during intercourse until they have gained experience, and even if you both are capable of climax, the odds are very much against the two of you coming together the first time. Enjoy yourselves, and rely on one another to tell the truth about what is pleasurable and what is satisfying.
You can't expect him to know what makes you feel good. You'll have to tell him or show him, and that may mean taking some of the initiative, taking his hands and placing them where they make you feel good. Don't be afraid to ask him to "be gentler" or change positions. Go slow. If it's his first time, he may well be totally nervous about what you're about to do, and his penis may not respond at first. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are required to bring it back to life, and that may be hard for you to achieve, but that's why we told you to give yourselves lots of time.
You have probably heard horror stories about how much losing your virginity hurts. For a few women, it does, but with the right touch and the right partner, you should be able to take his penis into your body without pain. Have him take his time, use a lubricant, and press his fingers into you, opening you up slowly. Tell him when it feels good and when it hurts.
Many women prefer to have sex the first time being on top, where they can control the first entry. Others want to be on the bottom and give their lovers that control. Choose what's best for you. Just remember to tell him to go slow, take your time, and if you feel the need, use a commercial lubricant like KY Jelly.
It may sound funny, but your penis, which has worked great for years, may suddenly go on strike at your first chance at "real" sex. That's natural-- you're nervous. Take a deep breath. Do something else for a while with your hands, your lips and your tongue. Try to forget about your anxiety, and your penis will respond. It's only a temporary thing.
Many men think that because they're men, they should be in charge of the sex, regardless of who has the more experience. If you're a virgin and she's not, tell her, and let her lead if she wishes. This is as much a learning experience as a loving one. Don't be afraid to confess the truth. A lot of women would rather know that your fumbling is inexperience, rather than just sheer ineptitude, and will gratefully show you the ways of the world.
If you actually climax much too soon before you wanted to, take your time, take a nap, and try again. The second time you should be much more relaxed and ready to take your time-- so will your penis.
Size of the penis is a common concern. The average penis is slightly more than
five and a half inches in length when erect, and that's more than enough
to hit every major nerve center of the clitoris and the vagina, the legendary G-spot included.
The vagina is capable of stretching to take a large penis, or shape itself
to pleasure a small one. Size has very little to do with your ability as
Being a good lover doesn't happen automatically. With the right partner, time, care, and practice, you have everything you need to become a great lover. Your first times, for both you, will be fumbling and awkward, but hopefully they'll be the start of great times for the rest of your lives.
Elf Sternberg <email@example.com>
| ALT SEX FAQ HOME | INDEX | POLICY | DEFINITION OF SEXUAL TERMS |
| THE PENIS | THE VULVA, CLITORIS, AND VAGINA | FIRST TIME SEX | GREAT TIME SEX |
| ORAL SEX FOR MEN (FELLATIO) | ORAL SEX FOR WOMEN (CUNNILINGUS) |
| ANAL SEX AND ANALINGUS | SEX TOYS | CONTRACEPTION (BIRTH CONTROL) |
| SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES | LEGALITY (SODOMY LAWS, AGE OF CONSENT) |