HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX

It is perhaps a shame that while we live in one of the most advanced cultures in the world and yet know so little about how to make each other happy in that most human of all endeavors, sex. With a few small additions to your sexual vocabulary you can break out of boredom and lead happier, more satisfying sex lives. Here we'll look at three important additions to one's sex life: position, time, and location.

SEXUAL POSITIONS

Man on Top

Everybody starts out in this so-called "missionary position": man on top, woman on the bottom, face-to-face. It's where we were when most of us lost our virginity. This position gets a lot of bad press these days because it's "old-fashioned," or perhaps because it's "patriarchal." Actually, there's nothing wrong with this position; it affords excellent support for thrusting, close intimate contact between lovers, and is an ideal position for conception. The woman may lie with her legs spread wide and to the sides, or may draw them up to her chest. In either position, the man cannot reach her vulva for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach her breasts.
A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or on the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on the floor for thrusting. For heavyset men it can reduce the weight he places upon his partner, and allows for both partners to reach their genitals. Although technically regarded as "superior" to traditional missionary position by many sex therapists, most people who actually have sex feel this position is less "intimate."
A third variant of man-on-top is one in which the woman lies on her stomach and the man penetrates her from behind. For many women, this position can stimulate the G-spot; however, it can also cause the penis to strike the cervix, causing pain. While this position has many of the disadvantages of any position where two people are not face-to-face, it is still popular with some couples.

Woman on Top

This position is highly recommended in the few "how to lose your virginity" manuals still lying around, mostly because it allows the woman to fully control the speed at which sex occurs.
There are several different positions classified as "woman on top." The most common is that she straddles his hips, taking his penis inside her, and then lies down or crouches atop him, either with her legs bent or stretched out. She may also choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up and down; this position is both visually stimulating for the man and allows him to play with her breasts freely.
Occasionally in adult movies one may see this position done with the woman facing away from her partner. While the sensations giving to both partners in this position are very different and may be very stimulating, most people feel the loss of intimacy involved is not worth the difference.

Sitting

This position is for sex in slow motion; the angles are all wrong for any sort of vigorous thrusting.
The man sits in a chair or cross-legged on the floor while the woman sits astride him, usually face-to-face although it can work equally well if she faces away. This position is good for caressing and intimacy. Some people recommend rocking chairs for this position.

Standing

Reminiscent of "quickies" and illicit sex in alleyways, standing is actually one of the more complicated positions to achieve, at least face-to-face. Insertion can be difficult; standing, the vagina is not tilted forward for easy access. Since women are on average shorter than their male partners this position may require a short footstool or convenient staircase step to make it possible. At any rate, someone may want a friendly wall to hold both of them up during this act.
Another variant of standing is similar to the third one in man- on-top; the woman faces the wall or bookcase or whatever she's using to hold herself up and the man penetrates her vagina from behind. This position is considerably easier than face-to-face standing, and many people like it for it's "naughty" or "illicit" connotations.

Side-by-Side

These positions all mirror the "on top" positions, except that the partners now lie on their sides on the bed. They can be achieved face-to-face, at an angle or from behind.
The one difficulty with this position face-to-face is that someone has to rest their leg atop their partner's (usually the man's leg is on top of the woman's lower leg); after only a few minutes of keeping still or resting in this position, the partner whose leg is below may feel cramping, pain, or a sensation that the leg is "falling asleep" due to a cut-off of the blood supply; however, many women find that if a continual rocking in-and-out movement is kept going, blood will naturally flow into the lower leg and the position can then be sustained in comfort for the duration of intercourse.
Done when the woman faces away from the man, side-by-side intercourse can be slow and relaxing; one can almost fall asleep comfortably like this. In this position, it is known as "spooning." (The term applies mostly to the act of sleeping in that position, not necessarily the act of sex.)

Rear-Entry

Although several positions already described can also be covered under the term "rear-entry" (see man-on-top and side-by-side), most people use this term to describe the position in which the woman kneels on her hands and knees while the man enters her from behind.
As shown here, the woman is braced on both hands and knees; a common variant is for the woman to crouch with her arms bent, her face turned to one side on the bed, and her butt tilted upward; this allows her to distribute her weight more evenly along her forearms, chest, knees, and shins.
Some people strongly dislike this position because of the lack of intimacy and the suggestion of male "dominance"; others like it for the freedom and strength that can be employed during the act of intercourse. The term "doggy style" has been employed to describe this position in the past, although this descriptive is inaccurate at best.

TIME

When should we have sex?

When you have sex is a decision you will start to make only after you've gotten through the initial "all the time!" stage. Eventually, though, any person will develop a habit of making love with a certain pattern. Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking that pattern can be the road to a new discovery.
If you and your partner are prone to making love only at night, try it for breakfast instead. Run home during lunch for a quickie. No time is more significant to lovemaking than any other, except that the time be good for both you and your partner.

LOCATION

Where should we have sex?

In bed, to start with. Seriously, there is no "better" place to make love than a bed. It's designed to hold people lying down; it's even designed for them to be a little rambunctious.
However, like time of day, location can become boring with repetition. Moving your sex life into a different room can be as much of a change as night and day. For starters, try the living room; most have a couch. Spread a blanket on the floor, start a fire in the fireplace if you have one, feed each other small, intimate snacks like grapes and champagne, and enjoy. A quickie on the kitchen floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal) can be fun as well.

What about the shower?

The shower, as well as the swimming pool, have their disadvantages. For one thing, lubricant doesn't last very long in environments of such overwhelming volumes of water. For another, usually the only position available is standing, with all of the attendant problems of differences in height. Another common problem is that the floor of most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on it! However, it's frequently the only place other than the bedroom where both of you are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially in winter. Don't let all the "problems" listed here stop you from trying out what could become one of your favorite places to make love.

And outdoors?

Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards. Many people feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature; others feel it is more illicit, "in full view of the whole sky." If you're going to have sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time to bring a blanket. Avoid using bug spray and sun block until afterwards-- both taste awful. On the other hand, sunburns on your genitals can be excruciating; take care.

Caveat lover...

Having sex in strange places is a turn-on for many. How strange a place you want to make love is a matter of some concern of course, since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in full view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary. Getting arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the attention of your employer as well. Plan any such dalliances in advance and scope out your intended rendezvous point for possible problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if necessary. And whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash can; stopping litter isn't just good citizenship, here's it's a matter of sheer good taste.


Elf Sternberg <elf@halcyon.com>

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